After Thoughts
by Animus et Anima
Summary: This is just what I think might have been running through Booth and Brennan's head after the 100th episode. Obviously spoilers for the 100th episode. Rated for a little language.


_Okay, I'm not sure about you guys, but the ending to the 100__th__ episode annoyed me. I mean I absolutely loved it, but it was more annoying than the denial of any romantic feelings after the Christmas kiss or any of the almost kisses they've had in the past few seasons. Anyway, this is what I think might be going through their heads after the episode._

**Booth POV**

He had done it. It was the scariest thing he had done in years, hell his whole life. But as Sweets said, he was the gambler. He gambled, the biggest gamble of his life, and lost. He always lost when it came to her. First the night he had gotten drunk to fire her, and then he had kissed her. He never told anyone, but he had been comparing every kiss since then to that one. He was almost positive that he had idealized that kiss, until he was forced to kiss her under the mistletoe, and then he assumed that it had all been a show on her part for Caroline. But that one kiss tonight, as short as it was, was as magnificent as he had remembered. God, what happened? He told her that he wanted to take a chance, he wanted to give them a chance, and what was her response? She told him it was insane- okay, maybe she said it in an indirectly, but still. That she couldn't love him, because she didn't know how. He knew that was bull shit, but there was nothing he could do about it. Then he said something stupid- that he had to move on, something he didn't think he could actually do. How do you move on from your freaking soul mate? Answer: you can't. Now he was stuck waiting a secretly pining for his partner.

Why couldn't she see that he was in love with _her_? Dr. Temperance Brennan, the woman who had slapped him six years ago, yelled at him for staging a rescue mission a year later, asked him to find her parents thirteen years after they walked out of her life, threatened to make Zack his partner so she could keep a gun, tried to arrest her father for him, invited him to go to England with her, dated his boss _and_ brother, found him when the Grave Digger buried him, asked him to donate sperm, stayed by his bed until he woke up from his coma, spent most nights having dinner or just hanging out with him, and most importantly accepted him for his screwed up past and all of his faults. He couldn't help but falling for her, he had been from the moment he met her, six freaking years ago. He loved her exactly the way she was, and for some reason she couldn't accept it.

He had seen the pain in her eyes when she rejected him; he knew she felt more for him than just partners and friends. But he knew that she had to come to him at this point. _Wait, she thinks I'm going to move on. Shit. I can't just tell her I'm going to wait for her. She was heartbroken already because she hurt me; I don't want her to feel guilty for me not moving on. I'm completely screwed._

Booth returned home, to an empty apartment, and grabbed a beer. He turned on the TV in hopes of erasing the night from his mind; of course this didn't help at all.

**Brennan POV**

_What have I done?_ That was the only thought that had really crossed her mind in the past few hours. She had never been this upset, at least not since her parents left in December of 1992. She knew why she was so upset, but it didn't make logical sense to be this depressed. Booth said the words she had secretly been hoping to hear him say for approximately four and a half years- he wanted to try to have a relationship again. For some reason her brain told her to say no, and she listened to it, like always. Last time they had attempted a relationship, it had taken almost exactly a year to even be in the same room as him. Somehow he managed to charm her again, and now she knew that they were best friends and she knew she had feelings for her, but she also knew that everyone she had ever loved had abandoned her. She therefore would not allow herself to love him; she didn't think she could survive if he left. _He promised he would never leave me, and he never lies to me- at least not sense he told me that they didn't know the identity of our first victim. _Brennan didn't know what to. Booth made it clear that he had feelings for her, even as she pushed him away. Eventually he pulled away; he said he would move on if she wouldn't try. That broke her heart more than she would ever show. _No, the heart is a muscle, it can't be broken. Only crushed._ He had crushed her heart. She thought she had protected herself from that. _I had, until Booth broke down those walls. I let him in and now I'm broken, again. _

Brennan had been crying since Booth admitted everything to her. She had hidden it from him through dinner, but as soon as they went their separate ways, she had allowed the tears to roll down her face again. She had hurt Booth; she didn't want to. She hated herself for harming him at all. But she had to. She couldn't promise that she would still love him in thirty or forty or fifty years. She couldn't promise that she would love him in ten. Then she realized what she was admitting to. She loved Booth, but had chased him away at this point. She also knew he deserved someone better than her. She was broken, and he deserved the best. She knew she had to let him go, even if it caused her this much pain.


End file.
